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KS HOTLINE WEEKLY MEETING#3
THE STRATEGIC IMPORTANCE OF GRAPE
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Context: This was written just before the January Burbank convention. MMMuffin had been on the loose and the preview for "IF I had a hammer" had just hit the TV screens. Let’s just say, hormones were raging… LOL And to top it off, the X*** Herk trilogy was coming out.
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Sometime last month….
The KS Hotline Headquarters went into a complete shutdown due to a hunt for a certain KS Hotline patient. The patient had escaped and eluded everyone and was running free. Since then the patient has become less dangerous to herself and others, so the headquarters started back its activities.
<In the manager office>
<Chantal on the phone> "I understand the effect of the therapy is only temporary and before the Burbank con she will be in need of treatment again. Thank you. Very well. We’ll handle it. No problem. Bye." <hangs up> "Gee, I hope the hotel clerks are ready for you MMMuffin." <vweg>
Looking at her notes for the upcoming meeting, she reached for some iced grapes in a tray next to her. "Yum, those are so good. Okay, the important thing is the grape situation and then the SAS accreditation…"
<In the administrative area>
Becky and Calico are on the phones trying to calm down Amazons really ticked off about the X*** trilogy.
<Becky on the phone> "Of course, I know, have you tried mentioning loudly that they are actually Hercules episodes not X*** episode. Yes, well, do it again and more loudly…"
<Calico on the phone>" Yes, I know, dear, it’s not fair. Repeat after me, what goes around comes around. Do not let them mess around. These are Hercules episodes…"
Shauna looks up from the papers she’s been reading. "Two more cases to add up. May be we should set up a venting number to ease up the load? Iced grapes anyone?"
<In Star’s office>
Star is reviewing and annotating some of her cases with a Dictaphone.
"Calico’s calendar treatment went all right. She is out of it. She almost had a relapse when her pictures files where erased but with some help and support she pulled through. Case closed but needs to be reevaluated after the Burbank con if the calendar is not available."
"MMMuffin, oh dear MMMuffin. This is an on-going case. We had a breakthrough with the
Grape stealers therapy. She has improved immensely but I fear a relapse in
Burbank…"
"The Grape addiction support group will start its operations after the upcoming meeting. Preliminary members are Nyxx, Becky, Freya, Nannyboo, Melite, oh, well, we’ll open it to everybody." She grabs some iced grapes from the plate. The door opens and Melite sticks her head in. "Star, can I have a word with you?" "Sure, come in. What can I do for you?" answers Star.
"Well, it’s kind of delicate. It’s about a denial case" starts Melite. "Oh, the denial case, I know about it. She thinks she can fool herself with sighing. She’s even trying to cling to the ladylike attitude…" says Star. "Bull, she is in need of a drool treatment pronto. She already accepted the bib…" interrupts Melite. "Yeah, but I feel she will definitely resist the bucket. Listen if we put our heads together we can probably fin a way…" smiles Star.
Later at the meeting. As the staff enters the meeting they are given a memo with the update version of the Hotline.
Memo
To all staff members
Object: KS Hotline revised version January 1998
KS HOTLINE
Hello, you have reached the Kevin Sorbo Hot line if you are:
*Suffering from KSWS (withdrawal syndrome) or Ksoverdose press 1;
*In need of any items from the emergency kit: lemonade, ice, drool bucket, bib, etc press 2;
*Being lured away by a certain dark looking, very nasty look-a-like press 3 and scream;
*Suffering form KS Fever? The symptoms are hot flashes, glazed eyes, sighing or drooling in excess. Panting and swooning are acute symptoms of KS Fever and must not be ignored. If you have one or all of the above press 4 and grab some ice just in case;
*In need of some venting because of the merchandising, X*** stuff or anything related to KS press 5 someone will give you a list of addresses where to send your complaints and make some noise… The Honey bees club might also be for you contact Calico;
*In need of the Grape support group, press 6;
While everyone is waiting for the manager (she’s late again!!!) conversations are turning to the episode preview for "If I had a hammer" AKA the grape ep.
<Princess with a coy smile> "I was just in awe. Couldn’t take my eyes of that chest. And those grapes…"
<MMMuffin> "You know, I almost lost it <smile> I think I’ll have some of those grapes, thank you."
Finally, Chantal rushes in with a ton of papers in her arms. "I’m late, I know, I almost ran myself of the road, again. I have to stop daydreaming in the car."
"Okay, item one: the SAS accreditation. I agree the Sorbs Associations Syndrome doesn’t need a cure. I propose we use it as therapy for KS Withdrawal syndrome. So could we program a SAS night every other week. Viewing tapes and exchanging pictures will be mandatory. Becky and Freya think about it and let me know. Now, the big situation is the Grape addiction support group. It will be open to all and Star will be available for anyone in need of help but the group will be more an informal exchange between fellow addicts. Discussions about the grape episode preview will be encouraged also everyone is encouraged to share her experience of the episode.
"So if anyone of you have any questions…"
At that moment, Star and Melite exchanged a smile and gave the signal. And a big screen TV is turned on directly in front of Chantal. The grape ep preview is rolling out with the STRATEGiCALLY PLACED GRAPES. Everyone just brings out their emergency drool bucket and swoonS.
And as a little droop of drool hangs from the right corner of her mouth, Chantal looks at Melite and Star.
"You win. Damn, you’re good! Give me that bucket!!!"
Chantal, KS Hotline, I know the patients are running the asylum…
ADDENDUM by Princess (copyright belongs to Princess, reproduced with permission)
Princess, Melite and als stand with hands still behind their backs. Herk can be seen running for his necked life to find a robe or something while the girls stand there innocently before Chantal with grape mush smeared all over their faces.
The others are held transfixed with drool forming at their mouths and eyes glazing over as they watch Herk in the background scrounging around for something to cover his… um delicious fruit? Yeah. Fruit. He whips a rather large daytime in front of his essentials and tries to hide his blushing backside with a planter and he walks sideways to exit the backdoor.
Chantal peers one on one with the girls. "Who’s idea was this?" she asked quietly. No one answered. Melite jabs her elbow in Prinny’s rib. "She did"<giggle>. " Is this true?" Nod. "Why wasn’t I included?" Chantal asked with all the calmness she could muster. "Because you were stuck in an ice storm?" Nannyboo supplied. "Oh, yeah, right… well… Ahem. I must say - what a grand idea! I wish I could’ve been there!"
"Well you missed Nannyboo miss a grape and bite something else and Melite got too many grapes in her mouth at once and started choking and Herk had to clap her on the back and she spit out the grapes and juiced Herk’s abs and by the time it was my turn - there was hardly any grapes at all and I mostly got a view of Herk’s dirty fingernails as he tried to cover himself and then dropped the cluster of grapes and Melite swooned and as she fell forward Herk and his quick reflexes - he tried to catch her forgetting that he was covering himself and we all screamed in delight and Herk covered himself by falling forward into me and toppling me over and he landed on me and Melite continued falling forward into Nannyboo and landed on her and boy! What a rush! You really missed it!" Princess paused to take a deep breath.
Can we have the Grape Ep discussion NOW?
~Princess~
Who’s feeling a little tipsy…
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