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SORBOPERDY OR AN INSANE QUIZZ STORY IDEA
Tag story by: Chantal and Kelly
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This is part three of the insane quiz story idea. This is dedicated to Josée, who reminded me I owed the list another installment. LOL. Part three is sponsored in its entirety by Vicki’s Tribute to Hercules and Kevin Sorbo site. <g> You’ll see why later on. <wg>
Chantal
"How about persecution and madness" Ares "The furies"
****
Last time on Sorboperdy…
Sal is hosting an insane quiz called Sorboperdy with contestants Kelly, Melite, Nannyboo and Freya. At the end of part two there was a slight disagreement.
****
PART THREE
Sal asked "Sov is short for?"
Kelly and Freya both jumped at the buzzer. Both answered in unison " What is SOVEREIGN!!!"
"Euh, you can’t both have it right. Something is wrong with the system. I’m sorry I must disqualify both of you."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY ARE DISQUALIFIED. I’M VERY DISAPPOINTED!!!" was heard form the stand. Sov jumped on the tv stage and grabbed Sal by the collar, lifting him up. "I hate being disappointed." Both Freya and Kelly sighed and swooned "My hero."
Sal was trying to speak. Finally with a wave of his arms he managed to whisper : "Cut to commercial, please."
CJane was so mad. She charged on to the set. "Cut to commercial. NOW! And you, you big leather clad demi god. Get off my stage!"
Dropping Sal, Sov turned to face a furious CJane. "And you are?" Sov asked in a low tone, seizing up CJane and liking what he saw.
"The director, you big bully. I’m in charge here. And I’m not gonna ask you twice. Get off my tv stage. If you have a complaint, lodge it with the referee. He has final say. But it has to be a valid complaint. And frankly, I don’t believe you have one" answered CJane. She was the one now seizing him up. (Note of the author: Now KalliSta and Danaan, no comments from the nekking peanuts gallery! LOL)
"I won’t disturb the referee. He doesn’t like to be taken away from his day job."
"Excuse me, if I may intervene. I’ll like to lodge a complaint. There seems to be an error. It’s not Herk’s right arm that was injured in Mercenary, it was the left. And I have the documentation with me to prove it." Angelika had risen up from her seat in the audience.
Ann’s mind was racing. She pulled out her cell phone (hey I had to put one in the story <g>) mumbling to herself "Here we go again. This is ridiculous." One ring, two ring. "Oh, Ap, pick up. Pick it up! We are in deep trouble."
Josée was slowly making her way towards Sov. She was moonlighting as a security guard for Sal. Whispering to herself, she stopped a few steps behind Sov. "It’s a cushy job, Josée. No insane contestants. This is not Jerrius Springerius show. You’ll never have to use force. Right! I guess Sal never counted on Sov. Okay, here we go." Josée slightly hit Sov on the right shoulder.
Sov was in the middle of another temper tantrum. "Now, see. There’s a valid complaint. Call that nit wit of a referee. I’ll get him to give Freya her due. I said call…" feeling a tap on his shoulder, Sov turned and growled "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Josée gave him a bright smile, pulled him close and kissed him. Truly, deeply, madly. CJane rolled her eyes and said "Good job. This *is* the only way to shut him up. Now, Angelika, I believe you have a valid complaint. This calls for a referee review."
CJane lifted her arms up in the air, closed her eyes going very still and began to speak out loud in a solemn tone : "Ares, hear me, I, CJane demand your presence at this quiz review."
As she was ending her summon, the producer made her entrance on the stage, her eyes were wild and with what can only be describe as eagerness. "What have you done CJane? You can’t just demand that Ares shows up at your every whim… Well you can but not here…"
At the same time, Ares popped in, looking very very annoyed " Now, what is it. Laurissa? This better be good, It’s the third time today…"
*****
Now a commercial break…
"Hello, I’m Hilara, manager of Sorbo Mart. You need Sorbo merchandise give us a call. We have everything from glass ware to bed wear. This week’s new arrival is you own personal answering machine message from the big guys themselves. Here are some samples: "
Hi, Hygea is not here right now, but her Herk grape standee is. She has temporary custody in Gazelle’s absence. You can leave a message, wait for the grape to drop.
Hi, Skeezix’s answering machine is broken. This is SHerk speaking. Please speak very slowly and I’ll tie your message to myself with my red bow for her to find.
Hi. Now you say something or I’ll be VERY DISAPPOINTED. That one is for the obsessive SoviaK.
All are available right now at Sorbo Mart . Come and see us. We also have some new selections for Iolausians and Arestocrats like this one:
Why am I purple? Because I like it. Leave a message at the beep.
Or this one:
You have reached Kendaa’s place. You may leave a message. Of course if it does not bother you to own the God of War a favor.
We even have some crossover answering machine tapes like :
"Greetings. Grab a beer. Leave a message. Chantal will get back to you as soon as I let her. <eg>
*****
Next Double Jeopardy round and the referee’s review.
<During the commercial break on the TV set>
"So, I’m waiting. You have exactly 10 seconds before I zap all of you to oblivion" Ares was definitely not in the mood for games.
Regretfully getting untangled from Josée, Sov quickly kissed her on her nose, whispered "Hold that thought, luv" and took a tiny bite on her earlobe. Turning to face Ares, Sov smirked. "Well, well. Look who just popped in. Pretty boy. You’re the referee of this…" Sov waved his hands "… sorry excuse for entertainment."
"Euh, Sov. This is *not* the way to get us undisqualified" Freya pleaded to him with puppy eyes.
"Oh good. And the day started so well. .. the crazed half breed is here. Good to see you too, bro. Now time is almost up. Speak or be fried chicken."
Chuckles and smirks were heard all around. Kelly went into a coughing fit. Ares gave her a lazy smile.
Angelika gathered up her courage after CJane signaled her to speak. "Well, you see, there’s this mistake that was made. It’s the left arm…"
" 3, 2, 1… Time is up. 500 points to Freya. And whomever disqualified Kelly is dead meat." Sal whimpered "No one wanted to your dark lordship, I just followed the producer’s rules…"
Ares turned his gaze to Laurissa who stood very quietly in the far corner of the studio. "Rules? Laurissa since when do *you* make the rules? Okay, carry on. And CJane, I really would not use that summon trick again. Ever. You might not like the result. As for you Riz…." he snapped his fingers and Laurissa was taken away. Ares laughed and popped out.
CJane breathed again. She had not noticed she had stopped. "Okay, people. Places. Now Sov…" CJane closed up the space between her and Sov. Slowly, she rubbed her thumb on his lips. "Meet me in my office later. I have a proposition for you. How would you like to host a game show…" Sov raised an eye brow " Would it involve screaming?" CJane laughed "You bet."
Sal arranged his clothes and picked up his cue cards. Kelly, Freya, Melite and Nannyboo took back there respective places.
CJane signaled "3, 2, 1 …"
Sal : And we are back. After verification with the referee, we have some rectifications to the scores. At the end of the first round the score is : Kelly with 1 500; Melite and Freya with 900 and Nannyboo with 300. And we go into the Double Sorboperdy round. Here are the categories:
Sorbo fashion (video category sponsored by Vicki’s Tribute to Hercules/Kevin Sorbo site)
Hurtsmania
Disclaimers
To be or not to be Herk
God and Goddesses in 3 words
Sorbo/Herk potpourri
Now Nannyboo you have control of the board.
Nannyboo "I’ll take Sorbo fashion for 600, Sal."
Sal: This is video question. You will see a video capture you have to tell me which episode it was taken. Understood? Good.
Here’s the video capture
Nannyboo rang in.
(Note of the author you have to go to the site to find out the answer <g>)
Sal: Good answer. Pick again.
Nannyboo: "I’ll take Disclaimer’s for 1000, Sal.
Sal: Okay, feeling confident I see. Here’s the clue "No stuffed elephants were harmed during the production of this motion picture."
Melite was first on the buzzer: "What is Armageddon Now part 1?"
Sal : No. Although good try, I can see why you would choose that episode with the reference to the world being on the shoulders of two elephants… but no."
Freya rang in. "What is All that glitters?"
Sal : Correct. Pick a category.
Freya: I try Gods and Goddesses for 800, Sal.
Sal : All right. Adorable Fly Boy.
Nannyboo hit the buzzer : Who is Apollo?"
Melite looked at her with horror. " Boo!!! As if!" Melite slammed the buzzer. "What is Cupie pie?
Sal : Oh what a cute nickname. It was Cupid, of course. The clue was Adorable, not obnoxious. Melite pick again.
Melite: Okay, I choose To be or not to be Herk for 400, Sal.
Sal: Name 2 episodes where Kevin pulls double duty…"
Freya hit the buzzer jumping up and down " I know. Stranger in a stranger land and Armaggedon now." She then gave a sultry smile in Sov’s direction who was other wise occupied with Josée.
Sal: You did not let me finish. Name 2 episodes where Kevin pulls double duty excluding the Sovereign episodes.
Sov let out a growl but what rapidly controlled by Josée’s breathtaking kiss. (Gee, this job of security guard sounds like fun. Note of the author)
Nannyboo blew Sov a kiss and hit the buzzer: " What are If I had a hammer and Surprise?"
Kelly looked at Nannyboo. "Oh, Nannyboo. You surprise me. I thought you knew all there was to knew about H: TLJ. Surprise, not in a …."
Sal: Right you are. The other episodes were The Protean Challenge, Les Contemptibles and Prince Hercules. And Kelly, in Surprise, Kevin does play a double role, remember the Alcmene’s fantasy, the bad Hercules…"
Kelly slapped herself in the forehead. "Of course. I forgot. Then again that was an Iphicles episode. I would not have paid to much attention to anyone else."
Sal: Oh, too much information here Kelly. This is not the kiwikev list, this is the Sorbo list. Try to concentrate. Nannyboo you pick again.
Nannyboo; I’ll try Hurts mania for 200?
Sal : What is the name of the French highwayman in Les Contemptibles?
Kelly rang in. " What is Jean-Pierre, of course."
Freya, Nannyboo and Melite were totally baffled and staring. Kelly just shrugged. "Hey, I’m on the IML. I like Iolaus. Don’t look at me like that. Sal, I’ll take Sorbo fashion for 200.
Sal was slowly losing control of the game (Note of the author: As if he had it in the first place. LOL)
Sal : Right answer, Kelly. But wait before I ask you to pick a category before you do, please. Pick a category.
Kelly starting to get a little annoyed (and an annoyed is not a good thing) : Sorbo fashion for 200. And she gave Sal a feral smile.
Sal swallowed hard and spoke : Okay from which episode is this video capture Freya rang in. "What is… did you see those legs. Yummy"
The audience howled and whistled. Sal had to bang on the walls to get the crowd under control. Alone. Since nor CJane or Josée where to be found. As a matter of fact, Sov was also missing. Odd.
After a few minutes, Sal was able to speak. "Good answer Freya but try to refrain from commenting on the video capture, please. Pick again.
Freya: "Gods and Goddesses for 200, Sal."
Sal: Good. Blond Valley Girl.
Nannyboo hit the buzzer. "Who is Callisto?"
Sal: No. Good try. But no. Someone else?
Melite rang in. "Who is Aphrodite?"
Sal : "Right. Callisto would be more like Blood thirsty maniac. Pick a category Melite."
A bell was heard.
Sal : This signifies that we are at the last question. Melite, what will it be?
Melite: Oh let’s be daring. Sorbo Fashion for 1000, Sal.
Sal. Daring. Oh ladies, you don’t know the half of it. Here's the last question, it’s a video capture.
A ground shaking THUD was heard and all the Amazons in the studio hit the floor.
Sal was taken by surprise but kept his cool. "We’ll go to commercials and be right back with the Final Sorboperdy round and the contestant’s prices. Can I get some water buckets in here."
********
CJane walked back on to the TV set. Her hair was a little wild. And she had what looked like a hickey on her neck as Sal was going to commercial and calling the thudding clean up crew into action. All the audience and the contestants were out cold.
As the thudding clean up crew headed by Princess(she knows how to hose down the Amazons, she’s had practice see The Valentine extravaganza story <g>) came in with buckets full of warm water and piles of towels, CJane went to Sal. "What happened? Why is everybody unconscious on the floor?"
Sal saw the opportunity and seized it. "Well I don’t know I really really don’t understand how a simple video capture could do such damage. Look for yourself and Sal turned CJane around to face the giant 54 inches TV screen ( Note of the author : yep , that pic on a 54 inches TV screen. Wait I need to get my bib. Okay I’m back LOL). CJane passed out cold in a few seconds.
Sal laughed and called "Oh, Princess I think there’s another one here."
Princess shrugged. "Okay, guys here’s how we do it. Herkite take the hose and hook it up to the main water supply. Take Hestia and Ilaya with you." All three amazons were off in a flash. Remembering something Princess shouted "Don’t forget to test the water temperature first. We don’t want a rash of colds now."
"Rats!!! I wanted to have some fun…" laughed Ilaya. "I know" grinned Herkite "but if we hurry, I won’t miss Mystalia’s face as she wakes up…" "You are a wicked, wicked sister" replied Hestia.
Areia, Atala and Ciana had the towels ready and waiting. The towels were all warmed and fluffy. "You know that is one of the best birthday present I ever had. On my last birthday, Herk was waiting for me to wake up with my bathrobe all warmed up and ready to put on. That was heaven… Of course the robe did not stay on for long" chuckled Atala.
Areia and Ciana awed and signed. "You were soooo lucky."
Cokie, Baucis, Calico and Deeva were waiting buckets in hand. They were going to "wake up" the contestants. But there was a little discussion has to who was to "wake up" whom.
"I don’t want to wake up Melite. No way. I’m not that suicidal" said Cokie.
"Oh, live dangerously, Cokie. You always do anyway. That’s cell phone number what you have there?"
"Number three. Deeva. Number three and I really would like not to be the one who gets to wake up the list goddess, thank you" replied Cokie.
"I know. Let’s draw straws. The shorter one gets Melite, the second one gets Nannyboo, third Kelly and fourth Freya" said Baucis.
"Oh sister, dear sister, this is brilliant. And I happen to have some straws on me" Calico said enthusiastically.
"You have what? Straws!!!? Well you always managed to surprise me kitty cat" howled Deeva.
"Let do it. Before Herkite and her acolytes come back and decided to hose everybody down" said Cokie.
"Okay, I’ll cut the straw in four pieces and hold them and you pick one" Calico cut the straw in four uneven pieces. Turned around to put them place them in line and turned back presenting her hand to her sisters.
"Pick and choose, sisters"
Deeva picked first. A long one. "Oh thank the gods, I got Freya."
Baucis picked second. A medium one. Puzzled she asked "That would be who? Nannyboo or Kelly?"
"Well will know right after Cokie chooses" said Calico. Cokie stared at the two remaining straws, signed, closed her eyes and picked on. She got a tiny bitsy one. " Oh, well. I guess I will wake up Melite." said Cokie and wicked, wicked smile appeared on her face.
As Calico and Baucis compared straws to see who got whom. Sov sauntered back on to the TV stage. Noticing all the thudded Amazons, Sov let out a mighty shout "COOL. I GET TO DO CPR!!!"
<Cut to commercial> (I know I’m that wicked tonight LOL)
To all Hercules and Kevin Sorbo fans, here’s a special offer on Hercules and Kull videos. Available at Sorbo Mart exclusive copies of Kull the director cut, an uncensored never seen before version of Kevin Sorbo first big screen feature. With added footage of the wedding night, the tarot reading scene and of course the bounding sequence.
Also available copies of the Murder she wrote episode and the Cybil episode as an introductory low price with a drool bucket as a bonus.
Come and see us. We are open 24 hours a day to all Sorboland Amazons.
<Back on the TV stage>
Sov was rushing to Danaan’s and KalliSta’s side when Herkite and her acolytes strolled back into the stage. Princess looked at her crew. "Okay guys ready on three" Princess was standing over CJane with a bucket ready to pour. "Oh I looooove this job. THREE!!!"
Herkite opened the hose and drenched the audience including Sov who turned around like a wild animal.
"Who dared this? I am not amused. I was going to wake every single one myself. You ruined my fun." Sov got up and marched up to Herkite. "Now I’ll take that thing. And you better run really really fast, little girl…" Herkite swallowed hard and quickly gave the hose to Hestia. "Here, take it. I think I’m in trouble…"
Calico sprinkled some water on Kelly’s face. "Wake up. Time to play final sorboperdy, Kelly…" (Note of the author : Calico is sooooo nice she really could not pour a bucket full of water on Kelly. Really. LOL)
Baucis approached Nannyboo lying on the floor with caution. She decided to bring back Nannyboo to life slowly. Putting her hands in the warm water, she then gently patted Nannyboo’s face. But to no avail. Nannyboo was still out cold. "Oh well, the gentle approach did not work…" So Baucis took the bucket and emptied it on Nannyboo who woke up immediately. "What the…." was heard. Followed by "Who did this. And can I have a towel, please." Ciana was waiting near and gave her one with a smile. "Grape induced shock is always a thrill, isn’t it?" she asked Nannyboo. "Grape induced shock, that’s a new one…" mumbled Nannyboo.
Deeva did not wasted any time and did not try to baby her friend Freya. She casually walked up to Freya, who had fell backwards on the floor. "Oh Freya… Time to wake up…." Deeva gave her bucket a swing and threw the warm water on her friend. But her swing was a bit strong so she hit… Melite too.
"Oh my gods…" started Cokie. "Now that is priceless. You are so in trouble."
Now the situation was getting out of control. Sov was chasing Herkite with a vengeance and armed with the hose who he had taken (with the help of a few deep, mindless kisses) from Hestia. Sov finally caught Herkite and truly hosed her.
Mystalia, Danaan, KalliSta, Angelika, Skeezix, Nuance, Star, Shauna and Voluptua were all cheering the black leather half god, as they were drying themselves. Sov all wet is a sight to behold and definitely worth cheering about. Hearing the cheers, Sov turned to bow to his dedicated Amazons but… he had forgotten to cut the water and ended up hosing the audience. Again. LOL
Melite came back to the world with a loud growl. Standing up she looked around. "Now, whomever decided that would be a cool idea. I want his or her head. NOW!!!"
All Amazons wet or not pointed a finger at Sal. "Oh, Salmoneus that was definitely not one of your most brilliant idea." Melite walked up to Sal, passing by Cokie. "Dear, I think I need that." Taking the bucket from Cokie, Melite marched up to Sal and turned it over his head. "Now. That was fun. Can we finish the game now." Areia came up to Melite and handled her a warm towel to dry off.
Finally Josée was able to get close enough to Sov to take away the water hose. Lots of kisses and hugs were needed nor Josée or Sov seemed to mind. LOL Princess called her crew back and they left the TV stage. Sal looked at CJane and said "Why did I ever think this sort of thing would work? Why?"
CJane nodded. "I know. I’m never doing this again. Places everyone. Let’s finish this…. this…."
"Totally insane idea for a quiz…" finished Hercules standing by the door. "Please do. Because I sense that I’ll have to spread a lot of TLC after this disaster."
Every contestant took back their place. Sal dried his beard. And finally the show was back on.
Sal: This is Final Sorboperdy. Let’s review the scores, shall we. Kelly you have 1700 points. Melite you have 1900 points. Freya has 2100 points and Nannyboo 1300 points. The final category is "Herculean movies" place your wager as we announced the prizes.
Castalia came on stage. "Now for the fourth place contestant we have a complete set of Hercules trading cards with special ones autographed by the big guy himself. The third place contestant will receive a full videography of Kevin Sorbo including very rare items like the Aspen pilot. The second place contestant gets a night on the town with the Alphabet Herks of her choice that includes dancing, dining, and anything the Amazon’s heart desires. The winner will get a week with Hercules at the island of Naxos for the fishing trip of a life time. All contestants get a birthday wake up call by the hero of her choice, plus cake or cheese of the month club hand delivery by SHerk. Now back to you Sal."
Sal : "All contestants has written down her wager. Now here’s the final Sorboperdy question in the Herculean movies category : Necessary to find the lost city. Now you have one minute."
Nannyboo, Melite, Kelly and Freya all took up their pen and started to write down the answer.
Melite suddenly stop and look up pensively . "Oh man I know that the Queen had it. What is it called?" she mumbled.
Kelly was chewing on her pen. "Now that thing that gives directions, man I’m drawing a blank…"
Freya was furiously writing something down then she changed her mind and tried to erased her answer. "Oh that’s not it." she whispered.
Nannyboo was carefully and slowly writing down her answer. Trying to make her writing readable yet beautiful.
Sal : " Time is up ladies. Let’s see your answers. We start by you Nannyboo you have 1300 points. You put down. "The one true compass". Right answer" Nannyboo smiled. "And you wagered…. 1300 points. Wow. Good for you. You are now at 2600 points."
The crowd cheered. Sov growled.
Sal: "Now, Kelly. Let’s see what you put down." Kelly was fidgeting. "You wrote "Direction thingy". Okay. That a bit vague. I’m sorry. And how much did you wagered? 1000 points. That leaves you with 700 points."
The crowd remained silent and Sov yelled "That’s okay Kelly, I’ll make you feel a lot better later. I’ll bring duct tape. <eg>"
Sal : "Moving on to Melite who has 1900 points. You put down "Compass". I’m sorry we needed the whole name of the compass. That is "One true compass" and your wager was 1300 points. That leaves you with 600 points. Better luck next time"
Melite’s eyes were welling up. Hercules came up behind her and pulled her in a hug. "That’s okay. Sometimes it better to lose. More fun." And he wicked at her.
Sal: "We finish this game with you Freya. Now let’s see your answer. Freya???" Freya was hitting her head on the desk. Repeatedly. And hard. Really really hard. "Freya???" Lifting her head, Freya gave Sal a weak smile and opened her mouth to speak then stopped and went back to hitting her head on the desk.
"Well, let’s take a look, shall we? You put down " True compass" but you erased it and wrote instead "sacred candle"… And you wagered 2000 points. Well I’m soooo sorry. You have now 100 points. Will someone please stop her from hurting herself. Please. Now." Sov came up running on stage. Lifted up Freya in his arms and ducked out the nearest exit.
Sal : "Well I’m proud to announce the first Sorboperdy champion (And the only one I’m not doing this ever again!!! mumbled Sal) NANNYBOO!!!!!
End credits
Disclaimer: The author is no way responsible for injuries resulting from reading/participating in this insane quiz idea.
Chantal
KS hotline manager KSHQ
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